Wow, I haven’t blogged in quite some time! I do miss it, but in seminary, most of my thoughts go into paper-writing and assignments instead of wordpress. I’ve also been writing articles for the new Brehm Center website. But today I had a great conversation with a friend that inspired thoughts I want to share.
I’ve been studying a lot about worship here at Fuller, and I’m learning so much about the “heart” of the artist (or musician). Actually, one of the books we have been studying is The Heart of the Artist by Rory Noland. Dare I say next to the Bible, it is my favorite book?! It is all about the “health” of our hearts as leaders, character issues, and what it means to be in worship ministry. I highly recommend it!
A few months ago, I performed some music at a Fuller-sponsored coffeehouse event. When I got to the venue and looked at the keyboard that was provided, I decided that it would be best to have my keyboard from home. So my friend let me borrow his jeep and I picked up my keyboard and supplies from my apartment. But unfortunately, the event started earlier than scheduled, and I didn’t get to do a sound check. So when it was time for my set… I just jumped in and went for it. One of the first songs I sang and played was “Legacy” by Nichole Nordeman. I have always been struck by the power and eternal focus of these lyrics…
I want to leave a legacy, how will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering; a child of mercy and grace
who blessed Your name unapologetically, and leave that kind of legacy
That is just the chorus, but I encourage you to find the full song on iTunes. It has a beautiful piano part, too, which is amazing! Anyways, since I wasn’t able to do a sound check, I got a little thrown off and was having a hard time “settling in” on stage. Usually I can do that pretty quickly, but it just wasn’t happening this time. Ugh. Do you know that feeling? Can I just stop and hide please? Fortunately, God gave me the grace and equipping to move on, share some of my original songs, and finish the set.
So a few days after that, I was beating myself up through unrealistic high standards. But God was gentle and wanted to re-adjust my perspective. He reminded me that I’m not supposed to be singing for man’s approval. I sing, perform, and lead worship for His glory. If I’m constantly striving for man’s approval, am I truly serving God? (Gal. 1:10) He reminded me that I am sharing music to an audience of One. And the fact is that He loves my offerings – no matter if they’re “tarnished” by my unreachable, high standards of excellence.
Then today, after I had somewhat forgotten about that night at the coffeehouse, I talked to my friend who was there – also a musician. I mentioned to him how I was slightly upset with my music that night, and he then told me about his friend who was there who’s best friend had just been murdered that weekend. She was not a Christian, and when I started singing “Legacy,” it was so powerful that she had to leave the room and go outside. Wow. Talk about God putting me in line after beating myself up over that song. He was ministering through me in ways I could NOT EVEN SEE that night…
I’m convicted and reminded at how this directly correlates into worship ministry. At a conference I recently attended, I heard Tommy Walker say something that really impacted me. In discussing the importance of consistent faithfulness in ministry, he said, “99% of what we as worship leaders do Sunday to Sunday, week to week, is invisible.” As worship leaders, we are responsible for ushering in His presence and welcoming His healing power into the room. He then touches the hearts of the people that need His specific voice, answers, love, and gentelness. He is the One who does the ministering through us.
Oftentimes, we cannot see what is going on inside people’s hearts and minds during worship. Every so often He gives us “glimpses” of what is happening, but ultimately we must trust and have faith in the fact that we are working for “eternal treasures” and purposes. This leaves no room for selfish gain or “mapping” of “success.” We should not strive to gain riches or approval from man where “moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy.”
Satan wants to tempt us as musicians to be glamorous “stars,” completely excellent, and the best at our craft. But I believe God is saying to this something like…
Offer up my gifts in the best way you can, and I will multiply what you have and increase what you offer me in ways that you cannot even see. My thoughts and ways are so much higher than yours. I just need willing and able servants. Be my instruments. Be my vessels.
Our response needs to be one of humility, constant surrender, perseverance, and faithfulness in whatever He has called us to do. When that is the posture of our hearts, I believe we can await God’s response…
Well done, good and faithful servant… I am pleased with you.
That is the accolade, affirmation, and response we are ultimately striving for. Let us each leave our own legacy on this world that points to Jesus Christ. He is our audience of One. He alone is worthy.
